Love Fool

Honestly, if you're not willing to sound stupid you don't deserve to be in love.

I don't know too many people willing to go out on a limb and do something absolutely crazy stupid in the name of love. I don't know too many men with whom I had strong feelings about who were. And maybe that is part of the problem. I don't put myself out anymore. I'm petrified of being vulnerable and being walked over. Just watched another girl open herself up and offer her heart, only to have it walken over. It was horrible to watch her cry in convulsions. I couldn't help but feel pity, just glad and relieved that it wasn't me. So if and when a man actually goes out of his way to "make a fool out of himself", in the name of love, I'll definitely take that into account and appreciate the grand gesture and the thought behind it. This may explain why it's not so much the gifts and the fancy restaurants that mean that much to us. It is the thought behind the gesture. When someone (male or female) actually takes the time to inquire and/or find out about us, our interests, our passions, and then take the steps to find something that would please us, the amount of energy, effort and time that went into such gesture may not be often appreciated. At this point in my life, I think I can better appreciate the gestures a guy may do and wish for that kind of romance in my life. Foolishly a tad too late in some respect but not quite. Would it sound terrible to state that I am waiting for that Big Gesture before I can release the floodgates of my emotions if I state that I fall in love too easily? As a result, I guard my heart a little more closely and try not to fall head over heels in love until then? It's the hardest part of me to give.

What can I say? I have so much to say to you, yet I choose not too. I've chosen instead to break myself free from you. I threw you a challenge - yours to accept or not. Your response was an answer in itself or from the lack thereof of response I concluded your answer. I truly liked you. In spite of all of the things you've done (deliberately or not) and that have hurt my feelings, there are many wonderful qualities you have that I like about you. Weighing all things, I concluded a long time ago that I did like you. I have not heard any kind of enthused response on your behalf. Considering that the challenge I gave you was your last chance to express whether you had any feelings for me, whether you considered perhaps that I could be the One for you, any kind of express indication that you had feelings for me. Considering the gaping silence, I concluded otherwise and you did not choose to correct me. That makes me sad in some respect because I really liked you but at the same time, I'm glad to have found out now, before investing myself considerably more into this "relationship" and discovering further down the line that this was not meant to be. Perhaps I had already invested myself, I am just glad that it was not too much. Yes, I did keep to myself, perhaps being a bit too mysterious, but I was afraid that revealing too much of myself and then being vulnerable to you. I'm glad in some ways that I didn't. But perhaps it is also the cause of this demise. If you were to give me a sign that you'd want to try I'd consider it seriously. The silence is killing me or making me stronger, either way it's painful. I wish we could be together, share life's little moments, enjoy them, share the burden but you're not and I miss what we could not have.