Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying

From the ever thought provoking NYTimes which I obsessively love to browse on the web comes this fascinating list of questions which at first glance, covers what appears in my mind to be obvious areas to discuss with your spouse to be. I hope to have the opportunity to engage in these discussions at some point - ie move from the singlehood to a couplehood. For some of the questions, i have already made up my mind and for others, it's pretty much a throw up in the air - it doesn't matter to me. with respect to those points where I have already taken position, I wonder how firm I am (for example about who will be the primary childcaretaker) and whether these points are negotiable or deal breakers? when do you begin to broach these topics? I hope not too late in the relationship that you have spent considerable time or invested yourself so much only to discover that you are only compatible on 1 out of 15? perhaps that would not happen if you were really in sync. you would share common values and objectives in life and thus, it would be a seamless fusion of two worlds, two households. if unlucky though, it would be I suppose, a dangerous collision.


Relationship experts report that too many couples fail to ask each other critical questions before marrying. Here are a few key ones that couples should consider asking:
1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?
2) Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?
3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?
4) Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?
5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?
6) Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?
7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?
8) Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints?
9) Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?
10) Do we like and respect each other’s friends?
11) Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?
12) What does my family do that annoys you?
13) Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?
14) If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other’s family, are we prepared to move?
15) Does each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?