Froehe Ostern

As Easter approaches, marking the end of Lent, I wonder if we really need to give up something to appreciate it more? Or do we just lose our desire for it? Does absence make the heart grow fonder or is it really "out of sight, out of mind"?

Coincidentally, it was only this week that I gave into my weakness and tried to call David. I had begun that sacrifice in January, so I rationalised that although it wasn't Easter yet, it had been well over 40 days. I had wanted to speak to him for a long time but I decided against it. It was my sacrifice during Lent not to do something I could so easily do and enjoyed doing. But as the phone rang, I was hit with the question, what was I doing? calling a man who obviously didn't care for me and evidence of that was his absenteism from my life. I hung up - although someone had picked up. I wanted someone to share my life with. I want someone who was so fascinated by me, as an individual, that he wanted to become a part of my life, and wanted me to partake in his. The same could be said about friends. Friends become good friends and best friends as they share important life milestones with you. Friendship doesn't grow on weekday lunches and movies exclusively. Although these events do help in getting to know the person and sharing life with them, the relationship only becomes meaningful when births, deaths, new jobs, new loves, old loves, bad bosses, family, and the sort existing in one life, slowly merge with the actors in the other friends' life. There has to be a desire to get to know each other, like the beggining of any courtship. Is this person wonderful enough to share in my life? are they understanding and compassionate? reliable and trustworthy? The qualities I seek in friends are very much the same qualities I seek in a spouse. While sometimes one party has to initiate the contact, that responsability of contacting each other should be shared. There never should be exclusively one party bearing the burden of two. There should be some give and pull from both. It may not be an equal sharing, but both should do some. In my view, David wasn't giving nor pulling in this relationship. Some have tried to rationalise this by making excuses for the other party. But deep down inside, when we do that, I think we know that the other person is just not as vested as we are in the relationship. It is better to leave the relationship then, with the good memories. David did come to see me when I travelled to Europe again... but only after I contacted him. If it weren't for me emailing him or calling him, I wouldn't know whether he is alive or more importantly, whether he was involved in a relationship. At one point, I had told myself, by contacting him, I was reminding him of me and trying to make myself a part of his life. But it became a lot of work as I had to carefully time my calls to be able to reach him at an opportune moment, and it also began costing me a lot. And I wasn't getting much return on my investments. There is a theory in stock markets that when you realise that you are losing your money, cut your losses and get out of there. I decided Thursday to do that. I still have lots of great memories about David, and I wouldn't want to lose them in an ocean of bitterness stemming from my dashed fantasies. Oh sure, I do regret many inane things I did in the name of continuing a "relationship" with David, but I mark them up to being youthful mistakes never to be repeated ever again. Of course, I do secretly hope that I'll run into him again, one day, but I won't be constructing that "chance encounter" -- I'll leave that to Destiny.