As a (happily?) single woman in the 21st century, I wonder where has evolution is leading us. Looking back at the pre-historic age, today we silently mock the cavemen days when wild beast-like men carrying big sticks would select their mates and drag these latter away as if bounty prize. I wonder whether we have deviated completely from our origins or are we in fact, not still very much close to our roots?
Many experts (or people who claim to be such) in relationships and holding the title of doctor, psychologists, therapists and so forth, have not been able to disregard evolution in explaining the interaction between men and women. One theory expounds that men have an instinctive predatory or "hunter" nature and thus ladies, tis far better to let the man chase you rather than chase him. By doing the latter, you're emasculating him and thus, humiliating him. As a result, he loses interest and well, you're still single. Women, on the other hand, hold a more nurturing personae and when seeking a partner, often seek someone whose genes they'd like to replicate but also someone who would be a good provider for their offsprings (there goes the bad boy theory... ). It's hard to escape the hackeneyed ideas that float around and are re-re-recycled into some new paper/hardcover novel that makes the top 10 of the NY Times Books' List.
I personally believe that men, when willed, will always find a way to get the girl. So, perhaps this means that I do endorse the "He's not into you" propaganda. But even more so, I have found that men, after the age of 16 or so and until they hit 40something (plus 10 years or so), have usually regressed from their origins. Allow me to elaborate. When young, the follies of their youth prevents men (and perhaps women as well) to realise how foolish they appear to be acting when professing love or doing an act destined to demonstate to the object of their affection, that life could not be sweeter without them. Men who have reached that middle-age, are in a comfort zone. Having lived their lives, they realise from experience that they allowed too many wonderful opportunities (ie women) pass by (as a reason of fear, of not wanting to look foolish, not wanting to be rejected, being tongue-tied and unable to think of anything -even a hi, to say, etc.). As a result, they fearlessly accost women out of their league- ie usually too young. In between, men appear to be paralysed by a fear greater than them- Unless there is an incredible will that motivates them to come out of their cocoon. Thank goodness otherwise because the alternatives are either that the human race dies with the inability of young men to select mates or that women assume the "predatory" role. Many women have done so but to the despair of people who still maintain the traditional view on the roles of men and women. By that traditional view, I don't mean that women should go back into the kitchen. I mean the roles of men and women with respect to relationships. Is there really one who should take the first step? Should the first date be dutch? Who proposes mariage? If you don't do such things in the more "conventional" manner, is your relationship doomed because tests the tenets of female/male relationships established since the Age of Darkness? or will it succeed because ventures into unchartered territory and thus keeps the excitement and novelty of the relationship?
I don't have the magical recipe. I don't even have the answers to the queries I posit above. Merely some points of reflexion.
Personally, I like a man's man, someone who can support me in my career goals and at the same time, gently remind me that I don't have to always be the strong one, and that from time to time, when I wish, I can lean on him and let him guide the way. I'm totally ok with that.
