Taking the Bull by the Horns

I just read the book The Rules and it dictate that a lady should never make the first move. Others dismiss this convention as hogwash and loudly proclaim equality of the sexes and therefore women should feel free to ask out the man of their dreams. To support this claim, these people polled men asking whether they would like for women to make the first step. Men concur with their statement. And why wouldn't they? It removes the pressure from them, and transfers some it to the woman. Perhaps re-establishing some balance. So which of the two, is the most effective way to meeting the opposite sex?

Many times men complain that they are tired of initiating the first step. But how many of these men are the same ones who complain that they have no one in their lives? no one to share special moments? It reminds me of a short tale where a man was so poor he had nothing to eat, his clothes were thread-bare and was about to be evicted. He was a religious man so he prayed to God everyday to let him win the lottery, which had announced a great prize. The lottery day came and the man had not won the prize. He continued praying to God to let him win the lottery. The next lottery came and still the man did not win. He prayed again to God and implored him for help. He asked the Lord why are you not helping me? To which, the thunderous voice of God replied, At least buy the ticket!

Meeting the right person isn't a given. However there are resources, such as online dating websites and matchmaking professionals which facilitate the number of people you can meet. Sometimes, you meet someone who is not in your current social, work or family circle. That's how I met the Professor. We lived in different cities, ran in different professional groups and had some divergent interests.

I also initiated contact with him. I was petrified that he wouldn't find me physically attractive, or find me interesting. It's the same fear of rejection that compels both men and women not to initiate contact.

I'm glad that I did. It would have been otherwise a missed opportunity.

Sometimes you have to take that first step yourself and hope that Fate or Destiny will work out the rest of the details. I think that is why it's said that Love will happen when you least expect it. You have to be at least open to loving and preparing yourself for that eventual magical encounter is half the battle. To paraphrase one great marketing ad, yes, there is a lot of work and costs and compromises involved in any relationships, but the cost of meeting your future lifemate -- priceless. :)

Letting Go of the Past

Do we ever really let go of the, no our past? or does it come back like a boomerang? Do we invite it back in or does it come uninviated and unannounced? This weekend Prince Charles marries his true love, Camilla, some 35 years after meeting her. Carrie found Mr Big some 6 years after they met. And articles in reputable newspaper confirm that many people seek out to reconnet with that first love. But this desire of people to seek that old flame seems like a phenomenon that affects not only love and relationship but other areas as well. Fashion is continuously afflicted by this behaviour. How else can we explain the revival of periods we thought were well-dead and never to be seen again? In food, the trend is returning to our prehistoric roots, eschewing processed foods that our ancestors knew nothing about. People also like old art, old wine and mature cheese. I won't enter the debate about whether we appreciate older people, but it seems that we continuously return to our roots. Salmons are notoriously known for travelling great distances in order to return to their place of birth, and lay their eggs and then die. What motivates people to return to their first loves a lifetime after? Are we all sentimental and really nostalgic as we grow old? Do we seek familiarity? or is it just that it takes us a lifetime to garner the courage to tackle that opportunity we missed in our youthful folly?

One summer I was travelling across Europe. In my naive spontaneity, I invited David to join me in Madrid. We had a wonderful time together. We got along so beautifully for some people who had not seen each other in over a year. We didn't fight, nor argue... but perhaps we were cognizant that time was precious then? However my bliss was cut short one evening during dinner conversation. For some reason unbeknowst to me, David had ventured into talking about his past relationships. I never encourage that topic and I don't pry or question either. My personal philosophy is that what is in the past, should remain there. I don't wish to know who were your ex, and especially not your history. However, he chose to talk about his exes. He spoke of one in particular and said how much he had been in love with her and the crazy things he had done because of love. Her family had adored him and by the sound of it, they considered him almost as their son-in-law. She was seeing someone that her family didn't like as much, and he knew that. He further stated that if she were ever to get married one day, he would intervene to find out if she is The One for him. I don't know if I should have applauded his candour but his revelation shocked me and shattered all my hopes and dreams and I knew then, I had no chance to compete with Her. My apetite, my evening, my dream of a life wit him was spoiled. I couldn't recuperate any of them.

So while Charles and Camilla reunite finally after such a lenghty period, I wonder is this a fate reserved only for fairy tales or is it written in the future for me as well?